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Tag: Travel Funnies

Annoying People You’ll Probably Meet When You Travel in Asia
It’s been a while since I’ve written any Travel Funnies – Maybe we should have a Travel Rant section. Although this isn’t really a rant – It’s just a light hearted observation of some annoying people you’ll probably meet when you travel in Asia, and a chance for me to let off some steam!
If you fit into any of the categories below, then I apologise in advance.
Tuk Tuk Drivers
“Ahh! It’s a hard life!”
Now it might just be me, but tuk tuk drivers do my head in the most. The question “Tuk Tuk?! Tuk Tuk?!” when I’m just walking down the road is one of the most annoying things I’ve experienced during my travels.
In India, seeing a battered old rickshaw is as common as the cow sat next to it… In Thailand, they’re more pimped out, with flashing lights and sub-woofer speakers – A clear indication that they are seriously overcharging falang tourists for rides. Surely the ultimate lazy mans job!
Overcharge one foreigner = Go home early.
No tuk tuk drivers were harmed in this shot
Where will you find them? Outside every hotel where foreigners stay, loitering on corners trying to peddle weed on the side, and strangely never there when you really need them.
What do they say? “Tuk Tuk?” x10, “Ping pong show?”, “Smokey Smokey?”
Other Travellers
No shoes? Check. Ridiculous beard? Check. Look of bewilderment? Check. Photo by DianeWorth
While we should love all of our fellow traveller brethren, you’re likely to meet some really annoying ones when you travel to Asia.
- Crusties! Our generic term for a particular set of travellers. Check out Are you a Crusty? for more info.
- Off the plane muscle boys
- Drunk fat +50 men with -20 year old Thai wives
- Perfectly preened ‘stylised’ backpackers (with perfect ratio of beads and bracelets, dreadlocks, hash burn holes in their bob Marley t-shirt)
- Experimental facial hair “Fuck you society, I’m growing a mental beard!” dudes
- People walking around without shoes or flip flips… Come on!
And the most annoying of all – wealthier travellers.
To be fair, I’m a bit of all the above…
Where will you find them? Unfortunately everywhere you’re likely to go.
What do they say? “What, no Stella?”, “Yah that’s soooo shanti”, “Have you been tubing?”
Jobs Worth’s / Corrupt Officials
Ear flicking and general laziness caught on camera!
The petty working man knows no global boundary, and Asia has a fair few. Whistle blowers directing crowds, token security men waving at people, truncheon wielding traffic police pulling over foreign moped riders and asking for ‘fees’ (keep driving!), disgruntled hotel owners, ‘White Tax’ double-price-ticket-charging counter workers. Ugh!
Where will you find them? Border crossings, crowded places, car parks, on the side of high ways, behind any desk.
What do they say? “Do you have an international licence?”, “That’s an extra $1”, “Keep moving!”, “You need a different form”
Skype / YouTube Hogs
You’re trying to open your emails or check Facebook in the only Wi-Fi café in town, and there’s Mr Annoying having a multi-way Skype session while playing Gangnam Style on YouTube for the 10th time stealing all the precious bandwidth!
Is there such thing as a IP blocking, bandwidth slowing tool for those of us who need to upload photos to the Best Travel Blog out there? If not there should be!
Where will you find them? In the quiet cafe, where the Wi-Fi is already bad enough.
What do they say? “HELLO? HELLO?! MUM?! IS THIS WORKING?!”
Queue Jumpers
A real queue in action! Photo by strudelt
Ah.. Queue Jumpers, a favourite pet peeve. So much so, it inspired me to write Queuing: The Civilised Travellers Nightmare. Why must people queue jump? Do they think I’m just standing there for fun? Are they in a rush? Maybe it’s the Englishman in me – but get in bloody line!
Where will you find them? Throughout Asia, and surprisingly most of mainland Europe, ANY queue!
What do they say? “But my train is coming in…”, “This is the ladies queue!”, “Why do you look like you want to murder me?”
Expats
Seen everywhere in Thailand. Photo by smalljude

Nothing sets you apart from the backpackers like turning your nose up at them, eating in the upmarket joints, having a larger than necessary motorbike, not wearing beer branded t-shirts and Ali Baba pants, and the ultimate “I live here” statement – owning a dog!
Not all expats are annoying. They tend to know the cool places to go, know the real price for things, and seem to have an amazing natural ability for developing alcoholism…
Where will you find them? In the ‘Bull and Butcher’ pub, at the visa counter begging for another extension, hanging out where the backpackers aren’t.
What do they say? “I’ve run out of pages in my passport”, “I miss cheese”, “The season is about to start again, I’m leaving!”
“One photo?” Opportunists
Agh!

An India speciality! Those who are blond, tall or female will at some point have a camera shoved in their faces. While not a problem in isolation, having hordes of horny Indian men gathering around to have repeated snaps taken with your loved one gets a bit annoying.
Discrete shots are more tolerable, more acceptable, but a bit more creepy. What happens to these shots?!
Tips for countering “One Photo?” Opportunists – Stick the camera in their face!
Where will you find them? Right in your face, across the road with a zoom lens, pretending to be taking a picture of something behind you.
What do they say? “One Photo?”, “Are you married?”, “My friend wants one too” “Can I snap with you?”
Off The Beaten Track Know It Alls
Smug Stu in the back of beyond on a rather small looking horse – Mongolia
Them: “OMG, you went there?” That place died out when the government was toppled and free party capitalism flooded in! I’ve just got back from staying with nomads in Xia Hiam Lagh Uga Buga in the far northern plains of Kazakhstan… I was the first foreigner they’d ever seen. I had to travel for 3 weeks to get there, I got malaria twice and rode bare-back on a camel back to civilization.”
Me: “So how did you make it to Starbucks in Chiang Mai?”
Travel Bloggers
Generic Travel Blogger shot…

Wait a minute…
Where will you find them? Anywhere with Wi-Fi, huddled around the only charge point in the cafe, their faces buried in their laptops while everyone else is having fun.
What do they say? “Can you look after my laptop while I go for a wee”, “Not another casino link offer!”, “The internet is sooo slow. I bet they’re downloading something!” “Yeesss! Someone commented on our article!”
Ahh. I feel much better for venting. I hope this gives you a little taster of the annoying people you’ll probably meet when you travel in Asia!
Which is your most annoying? Who have I missed?!
March 9, 2013
Tips For Surviving Indian Bus Journeys
Surviving Indian bus journeys is likely to be an important aspect of your time in India as a traveller.
The good thing is that those stereotypical images of sharing a seat with a chicken or a goat are usually true!
Here are our slightly sarcastic, but equally valid Tips for Surviving Indian Bus Journeys we gathered during our adventures into north Indian Himalayan region!
Try and ascertain whether the driver has been drinking before stepping onto the bus
Unfortunately several times I’ve smelt booze breathe, or hangover breath on Indian bus drivers. I try to think that somehow this sharpens the mind and allows for sensible and educated risk taking on those rocky mountain passes.
On mountain journeys, try not to look out of the window

With Health and safety non-existent, and crash barriers an afterthought, you need some serious balls to be able to enjoy looking out the window on some of the more rugged mountain journeys.
Do you like Indian music?
During overnight mountain journeys, drivers may play insanely loud Hindi music on loop and chain smoke beedies. They do this to stay awake and keep focused. I understand this, but surely there’s a more discreet way of doing it (through headphones maybe)? While this is not necessarily a tip, it’s some friendly warning advice!
Sit in the middle!

Or at the front. Everyone seems to know that statistically you have a better chance of surviving if your sat in the middle. Forget the back! Unless you’d like a compacted spine and bruised butt cheeks. The rear axle on the smaller Indian buses tends to be much further forward, closer to the centre of the bus, creating a sort of sadists springboard for the unfortunate suckers at the back of the bus.
Do you value your own space?

If it says ‘Maximum 20 people’, it’s a lie! Prepare for hilariously over capacity journeys. Bus drivers and conductors will usually wait until the bus is totally and dangerously packed before departure. Sometimes the roof is the best option.
Bring earplugs/your own music/a valium
There will no doubt be times when you’ll want to block out the noises and painful realities a standard Indian bus journeys offers. Horrendous music from the tiniest speakers, constantly blaring klaxon air horns, swerving near misses with cows, pedestrians and other vehicles, and the often huge length of the journey all add to the terribleness of it all.
Do you have a large book and a patient personality?

Heard of ‘India time’? A 2 hour bus journey can take 6, a 17 hour journey can take 48. Unfortunately breakdowns, landslides, fallen trees, bridge collapses and general unforeseen circumstances are a regular thing on Indian bus journeys. Plus drivers may pull over for several hours and sleep off their hangovers… Allow for extra time!
So there are some of our Tips For Surviving Indian Bus Journeys! On the plus side, you’ll see a lot more of the country than if you chose the 2 hours flight that takes 5 days by bus from Delhi to Leh… AND you’ll get to see the inside of a hotel for a few days while you recover from travellers diarrhoea from that 4 day old road-side samosa you had for lunch!
Photos: Top image by zerega, packed rickshaw by psbikes
November 28, 2012
November Seems To Be Our Most Sociable Month!
Since our long stint in McLeod Ganj, we’ve left the Himalayas and arrived in Rajasthan, India‘s largest and most colourful state.
But November has bought us together with new friends and old during our India adventure. During our Diwali visit to Rishikesh, we met up with my old friend Liz from school after seeing on Facebook that she was doing a yoga training course. It has been 16 years, but it was cool to catch up!
Then we arrived in Udaipur, the beautiful lake palace city in the south of Rajasthan.
We saw on Twitter that Anil from foxnomad was in Udaipur during the Wandering Earl tour! We’re big fans of his so we’re chuffed to bits when we managed to meet up for a coffee and a chat!
Anil from foxnomad
It was good to put a face to the name and ‘talk shop’ about the travel blogging world! I also learnt that Anil is a fellow BJJ practitioner and made me jealous saying he might spend a bit of time in Brazil honing his skills! (Wandering Anil Jujitsu Tour?)
Then Eloise’s neighbour and our good friend from back home, Helen and her friend Thanh were arriving in Udaipur! We had planned to cross paths during our time in India and hang out for a few days! It was amazing spending proper quality time with them taking it easy around Udaipur. Unfortunately (but lucky for them) they had to head south to the beautiful beaches of Goa and on with their journey.
Don’t let these tigers out!
We consumed far too much booze and cakes and had our fair share of “One photo?” and “Nice shawl!” comments, but it was amazing to explore Udaipur together. Plus I think they liked our slow (lazy) travel pace!
We only have 4 weeks left in India, and by the time we leave we would have been here a total of 11 months. We’re sad and excited to be moving on to new destinations, but we’re meeting up with more of our friends in Thailand for Christmas and new year’s, then heading over to China to see Eloise’s brother! An amazing few months lie ahead.
The world isn’t that small when it comes to travelling. We’re so lucky and thankful to see our friends from around the world.
Have you ever bumped into your friends while travelling?
November 24, 2012
Queuing: The Civilised Travellers Nightmare
Warning! This is a travel rant.
Nothing, literally nothing is more annoying than a queue jumper. Back home in Britain, such actions are not tolerated. I hate queue jumpers.
One of the pitfalls of travelling is that in most other nations, queuing in line patiently is usually not part in the national psyche. Manners and consideration go out the window, while foreign queue lovers get more uptight!
Our recent experience in India has led me to this rant.
India seems to have the most stressful queuing system we’ve experienced so far on our global adventure. With special queues for ladies, disabled and sometimes special foreigner queues all sharing one counter. Queuing is a genuine free-for-all.
Queues obviously exist in these none queuing countries whose civilians like to push in. But in many of the destinations we’ve visited worldwide, most just bolt straight to the front, ignoring the patient majority.
Tips for Combatting Queue Jumpers!
Unless you physically block the queue invader, or man-handle them out of the way, they will push in front of you.
Collar grabbing, bag yanking and shoulder barging are all valid techniques of removal…
But blocking is a more passive alternative to physical violence.
Queue Invaders will try to sneak along side you and to ghost their way to the front. They’ll shove their money towards the counter hoping to be served first. It usually works!
If there are two or more of you, simple block the dreaded Queue Invaders. They’ll be left dumbfounded why you are standing so wide apart, wondering why you’re not pushing to the front like they are.
If you are a queue jumper, shame on you! I spent nearly 30 minutes making these diagrams on Photoshop!
Rant over.
Photo: Queuing Hindus by strudelt
March 24, 2012